Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Choosing Life

Last night, I found out that Indigo would have come to our Fourth of July party, but she found out a few days earlier that she had vaginal cancer. She’s hopeful, though, and is exploring alternative treatments. A ball in my belly began to form – fear, sadness. Then this morning, Julie informed her friends that she has decided to share her journey to fight the cancer in her breast with us via her travel blog.

Shock and despair. How did this happen? I feel so many things all at once. One feeling is vulnerability, as if I’m in the same building as them and a bomb just went off. Tumbling down.

Five days ago, I watched Carol Sue grabbing for every ounce of pleasure there was to be had in the space of an hour as she crossed a pivotal threshold in her path to be a certified participant in the public demonstration of a woman in orgasm for an hour. She changed in the weeks leading up to her graduation from her training. She seemed to have a singular focus, choosing to go for whatever good there was to be had in any given moment.

All three of these women have inspired me suddenly and profoundly. Memories of my experience on September 11, 2001 come back to me. I remember I had a choice that morning, the first session of my Expansion of Sexual Potential. Gini, one of my teachers, told me that it ultimately it was just energy, this shock and grief. I could use it anyway I wanted. I had a choice. I could join the chorus of negativity, or I could be a spot in the universe that uses this energy for something good. Choosing to be in a state of orgasm, choosing pleasure over grief, could be my gift.

It’s so clear to me that this is what each of these women is offering anyone one who is noticing. By their sheer example and the exquisite way they are pursuing their paths with grace and honesty, grabbing for all the good there is in this life; they are offering a choice.

Flying up for no other reason than I choose to do so. Choosing to life.

1 comment:

  1. I like the way you put this. I am there with you too.

    XO Catherine